How long must I really wait to see you? Will it take the whole year? I know that's what they say but I at least hope you meet me half way if not sooner. I need help and have help but even though I know I must stand on my own I'm used to crutches so it may take a while. I'll be working my ass off to gain back the strength from my fall. It's messy when you fall sometimes. Other times, there is someone there to catch you or at least someone who cares that you have fallen and is there to pick you up. I have been picked up. Sooner, sooner, sooner, with every Nebraskan second... I wait patiently, on your terms but I do not sit idle. I have plenty of work to do and so I work as I am able, finding motivation all around but I fear I have less motivation at a distance without you by my side. Hurry up and wait is part of service and I am ready to serve. How is becoming more clear and I write and I do, not always in the same order and sometimes while tired but I am growing out of my old chaotic routines, perhaps into new chaotic routines but with a clearer mind and a more focused heart I can find the subtle patterns in the chaos and see the clear choices that lay before me.
Today I love my life. I hope I won't find too much disappointment as the future unfolds. #soberCommitment